Inner daemons, than suddenly realization

Hope you can keep up with this mind flow...

I’m sitting in my parent’s garden, listening to MADUK COVID Livestream II. Staring on this blank page and trying to think about a topic I should write about.

It’s been like this for more than than a week. I don’t have a perfect a way to avoid this or fight it on a same level. It always gets me, sooner or later, no matter the amount of rezistance i create.

I think that this state is my creation. Combined with my laziness and occasional illness it creates deadly combination.
Have you ever encountered scenario like the following one?

I’ve started a YT channel with the idea of having one video weekly. In general, it’s about photography and travels. On top of that I started this blog/newsletter. One article weekly.
So there is constant pressure to actually practice the art, create something around it and show the world. On top of that I wanted to take this as serious as second job. Build something.
So my portfolio really does not look like that I’ve done some client work or even my personal work. I’ve been trying to come up with self assignment for that but so far I’ve not been able to persuade myself and choose in any way.

And on top of that my body is telling me that “savage way” is not really the way I should treat it. Yes it had results but they can’t be managed and kept long term. It’s like looking left and right at the same time.

Meanwhile there is some disturbance. While I’m writing, I’m also texting with a few friends.
And than it happened, I received this text:

What have you accomplished in past 2 years?

I tend to forget, when you ask me something like this, my immediate answer is: “I don’t know.”
Because in that moment I really can’t remember.

But I realized I know where to find my answers. It’s a photo library. Everyone has this small icon on their phone.
Going trough my past 2 years of photos made me realize another thing.

That this is the reason why I picked up camera in the first place. To keep memories.

This thought hit me really hard. Like something lost a long time ago but newly found now. I guess we shift our focus as the time passes by.

With this newly found feeling I’ll try to concentrate on my new self assignment.

I will talk about that more in next article.
Have a great week

Jakub